If you would of told me at the beginning of camp how fast this summer was going to fly by I would have called you crazy. But here we are, at week 4 already. Say whaaaaaaat? We just came back from 4th of July break and it's unreal how much I missed Nemo, Texas. It's so ridiculously easy for me to fall in love-- with people. With places. With life. I'm so happy.
But I'm also a sentimental creature by nature. I'm still listening to my old Greece playlists and dreaming of waking up in Porto Rafti again. And then I think back even further, to my life a year ago. People always tell you to live without regrets, but I wish they also had warned me how fast life changes. To really appreciate where you're at. Because things never happen the same way twice. And you can't go back. Just forward.
The worst part for me is not knowing what to expect. Normally I love surprises, and I'm okay not knowing where I'll be. But one of my strongest characteristics, my optimism, is also a downfall. I have these big dreams for life- what I want to do, where I want to go, who I'm going to be and who I'll be with. And sometimes I worry reality won't measure up to my expectations.
One of my camp friends just got back from a mission trip to Tanzania. She crawled into my bunk and showed me her pictures and shared her stories and my heart just aches. I want to be there. I want to be everywhere. I want to be making a difference. I want to be traveling. I want to be with those kids.
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| My friend and her precious kids. Praying for them |
And then I think about those words. I want.
I.
Want.
I'm not here to serve myself. I'm not here to accomplish my goals. It's all about Him and His glory. I'm a child of the most high God, and I'm here for Him. When He says go, I'll go. When He says stay, I'll stay. And if he can use my passions and my desires to further his kingdom, great. If not, I'll still be joyful and give thanks. In all circumstances.
I have no idea where I'm going to be in another year. Or after graduation. I don't have a 5 year plan. I don't have a point A to point B diagram or a 12 step program to accomplishing my life goals. And I think I'm okay with that :)
Sorry this has turned into a sappy post. International affairs have really been on my mind lately, what with everything going on in Egypt. And the summer HUG group is in Israel right now. One day I'll be out there again, but for now my mission field is Stevens Ranch. Bring it on Nemo.
